The Exclusive Party

Wow. Well this is weird. I never thought I’d get into this exclusive club so late in the season when membership isn’t handed out easily. I mean, I thought eventually I’d get to experience this years down the road just due to nature’s ebb and flow, but right now? November 10, 2014? Man, it just hasn’t set in. Alone in first place in the division. No matter how many times I say it, I still have a hard time believing it. But wow…

Now the last thing I want to do is get cocky and make a scene at this party. All Cleveland fans know that the second we start talking trash, we get a swift kick to the junk and have our beating hearts ripped from our chests so I’m just here to enjoy the experience. The Steelers, Ravens, and Bengals could all easily revoke our membership in the coming weeks; but for at least this one week, we get to rub shoulders with the long-time members like the Patriots fans, the Broncos fans, and the Colts fans.

I don’t know about all of you, but I feel exactly like the main character from [insert one of the countless 80s or 90s movies where a poor / unpopular person gets a chance to hang with the rich / popular people] at that part where [character of selected movie goes to a party outside of his / her comfort zone and has no idea how to act]. AWKWARD HILARITY SURE TO ENSUE!!!! Sheesh. I hope I don’t embarrass myself too bad.

Will the experienced members like the Packers and Patriots fans stick their noses in the air while the Cardinals fans make me feel welcome? Or will the old guard be entertained by the breath of fresh air that my delightful ignorance offers while the other new members are pissed that they have to share the spotlight?

What forks do I use and when? Start from the outside, right?

Should I tuck in my jersey?

Backwards hat? Front-facing? No hat?

Are drinking game suggestions acceptable?

Open bar? How much do I tip?  How much is too much to drink? Hang on, there’s an Eagles fan. He’s sure to do something drunker or stupider than a Browns fan would. Unlessandand

Handshakes over fist bumps?

Probably shouldn’t talk about Johnny Manziel as everyone is probably sick of hearing what type of gas he used to fill up his car today (Speedway / Plus by the way…step above regular but didn’t go for the premium…hmmm…).

So much to learn in so little time.

Hopefully, we get to stay here for a little longer. The team has been doing their best to keep us at this party. We may get to stay for a couple more weeks; we may get kicked out next Sunday; we may even >gasp< get to stay here for the rest of the season as the Browns control their own destiny. Whatever happens and whenever it happens, fans should be thankful to the team for getting us on the guest list in November. That is certainly not a feat to scoff at.