The Birthday of Jon Bennett

Jon Bennett (middle) pictured here at his brother's wedding.

Born on March 14, 1983 (according to Facebook, at least); Jon Bennett is a father, husband, brother & a man who enjoys the word "wiener" (also according to Facebook. Seriously).

But you can only find out so much about a person from a Facebook probe. So I turned to the world's #1 source of aggregated information: The Google.

Jon Bennett is an American actor best known for playing Aaron Samuels in the 2004 film Mean Girls, and his role in All My Children. I have never seen All My Children but knowing Jon Bennett I can safely assume he played the role of a snakey scumbag. I bet if you IMDB him (nice use of an acronym as a verb) you'll likely find the name of his character to be Snake Scrumburg or Choch Longburns.

Plotting his next move

What's next for this man? Who knows. But I can surely tell you what's not next because Jon Bennett only accomplishes things once & then moves on.

"There's far too much to accomplish in this world to be accomplishing things more than once."
- Jon Bennett

Here's a list of what he's already accomplished:

  • World Domination (through the eyes of Lily & Kaley Bennett)
  • Being a 20-something
  • Eating carrots
  • Internet fame
  • Kicking dirt on a rec-league umpire's shoes
  • Dinosaurs
  • College
  • Mega Man 2
  • Chugging Smirnoff like a boss
  • Creating a mix tape
  • Eating a whole plate of food! ...Almost
  • Becoming Loser Bowl Champion...
  • And then winning the Katy Perry Trophy Belt
  • Karate-chopping kindergardeners

I bid you a Happy Birthday, sir