Johnny Vegas

In case you haven’t turned on the TV, opened the newspaper, or talked with your mid-20s male co-worker in the last week, Johnny Manziel g̶o̶t̶ ̶p̶u̶l̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶d̶r̶u̶n̶k̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶p̶i̶l̶l̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶,̶ ̶f̶a̶i̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶r̶u̶g̶ ̶t̶e̶s̶t̶,̶ ̶s̶e̶x̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶a̶u̶l̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶o̶m̶a̶n̶,̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶l̶e̶ ̶c̶r̶a̶b̶ ̶l̶e̶g̶s̶,̶ ̶n̶e̶a̶r̶l̶y̶ ̶k̶i̶l̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶a̶r̶ ̶f̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶ spent his holiday weekend off in Las Vegas to attend a UFC fight and was photographed at a poolside party with frat boy turned tight end Rob Gronkowski. There were even reports of him spraying champagne at a club. When asked about his adventures over the weekend, the 21-year-old man with sustainable income responded to questions about his personal days quite smarmily asking if it was impossible to study his new playbook and have fun at the same time. The nerve.

I, for one, couldn't imagine a redder flag shooting up the character issue flagpole for the of-age backup rookie quarterback who has yet to stand on the sidelines of a preseason NFL game. He should be locked in his house eating, sleeping, and breathing football during Memorial Day weekend - three full months before his first career NFL regular season beings. You would never see anything so disgusting or distracting from Super Bowl-winning quarterbacks such as Ben Roethlisberger or Brett Favre. Successful athletes like Adam “Pacman” Jones and Ray Rice know to stay out of the public spotlight when it comes to non-football related issues. Such lewd acts make it easy to see why upstanding decision-makers like Jim Irsay and 95% of the Denver front office didn't chomp at the bit to get this spoiled, entitled college sophomore on their teams. If Manziel, or “Johnny Football” as he is popularly called by the national media further inflating his confidence, wants to have a chance at making it in the NFL, then his new team’s owner Jimmy Haslam will have to teach him a lesson or two regarding what it means to be an upstanding citizen.

This new quarterback for the Browns, who is less than a month removed from college, looks like he is going to be a bigger distraction than he is worth in this multibillion-dollar grossing sport whose fans are conditioned to cheer for big hits, trash talking, and entertainment during all stoppages in play. I’ll bet there are even photos floating around of him flashing the “peace” sign with fellow youngsters! Keep your political ideals to yourself, hippie! I just hope the rest of the world sees who this “Johnny Football” - who’s behavior more than likely falls within two standard deviations of the mean of a normal population therefore making him no different than 95% of the world’s population - really is and will stick their noses high in the air alongside mine.

See related articles:

“College Student Johnny Manziel goes to College Party While in College Proving to the World That he is an Alcoholic”

“Young College Football Player Johnny Manziel (who won the Heisman Trophy and was the Hottest Topic on ESPN for a year next to Tim Tebow) Proves his Immaturity by Accepting Friendship and Invitations of Sports and Entertainment Superstars”

“Johnny Manziel the Only Athlete Ever to Have Signature Gesture for When he Does Something Good”