Deep Sea Aquaculture

We get to have it AAAAAaaaaAAAAAllll
Fishin' in the deeeEEEeeeep!!!

By: Alonna "Sting" Ray

Deep Sea Aquaculture offers a fin-fin situation for the environment, the fish, and all the peoples!

So what the heck is this thing???

Deep Sea Aquaculture is only the cooliest contraption to hit the seas since water was invented. Giant cages (usually 80 feet tall and 75-100 feet wide) are lowered hundreds of feet into the ocean, miles off shore, and filled with little fishies that will soon become big fishies that we can eat.

Usually, fish farming is seriously like the most disgusting thing ever. But this. This is entirely new. To compare regular fish farms to DEEP SEA AQUACULTURE FISH FARMS would be like comparing soggy cardboard crackers that have been lying out on the counter for a week to a delicious three layered chocolatey-chocolate cake cover in chocolate frosting and chocolate chips that was just baked from scratch by your grandmother and frosted with care and love and.... wait, what was this report about again?

Oh.

Right.

This kind of fish farming is so much better.

Whereas regular fisheries are simply tanks of hundreds of fish piled on top of one another marinating in their own waste products...

...these new giant cages provide copious amounts of room for the fish to swim, laugh, play, and just generally lead a happier life. And wouldn't you rather eat a fish that had lived a happy life?

Other Advantages!!!

So, not only do these fishies feel happier and more free to move around, but they also don't have to swim around all day in their fecal matter. Would you like to swim around in your own fecal matter all day? It would be like living inside your baby brother's diaper. Forever. Think about it.

Okay stop thinking about it. It's gross. Why did you even WANT to think about that?

Anyway, since these chambers are basically large cages, there are openings on all sides, small enough to keep the fish in, but large enough to let the poop out. And since they are sunk down so low, the natural currents in the ocean just flush them out constantly.

No need to clean this cage!!

And the best part is, Kona Blue, one of the first companies to implement these methods, has detected no nutrient alterations when comparing upstream waters to waters downstream from the cages!!!

That's great and all, but is it really necessary?

You bet your buttered biscuits it is.

The world's population is growing rapidly every year and with all these new people getting dropped off by the magical stork, the demand for fish is increasing faster than our oceans can keep up. Commercial fishing has depleted wild stock of tuna, swordfish, cod, and many other species. This rapid depletion calls for a BLUE REVOLUTION as some are calling it.

And, guys, this snack, is not smiling back.

Okay, so where's the CATCH?

Okay, guys, I'm not gonna lie.

I looked everywhere and could not find any disadvantages.

Things just seem to be going swimmingly.

However, this is a relatively new practice, and not a lot of companies have been HOOKED by the idea yet. I guess it just hasn't quite SUNK in. But since it hasn't been around forever, there may be a lot of things that we don't know about it. And not having all of the information and testing it out over time to see what the true "best way" to do things is isn't exactly advantageous....

BUT SERIOUSLY.

When compared to other methods, Deep Sea Aquaculture takes the...

Fin.

Hi, Mrs. Ewald.

That's a nice kangaroo you've got there.

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