In my drama journal I drew a picturing comparing the how I feel at drama class versus how I feel in the rest of classes and school in general. Actually change that to life in general. In it I illustrate my social anxiety issues. In my other classes and school in general. I feel like everybody is having such a fun time and as much and I want to join them because I want to have fun and they seem like they are having fun but there's an implementable bubble keeping me from them. There is a hole in the bubble but it's small meaning I'm able to talk to and make friends with a small select group of people but not a lot of people certainly not as many people as I want to. There's a person squirting me with water. Saying "Bad Livvy be social." I included that because I feel like I'm failing at life. That I'm disappointing everyone around me especially my parents because I have this image in my head of who I should be. Which is a bleach blonde cheerleader that goes out every weekend and doesn't sit at home all the time. Even though I know that I really don't want to be that girl because I wouldn't be happy.
However in Theater class I don't feel like that so much. I feel like there is still a barrier that separates me from the people in the rest of class. However there is a hole that is a bigger than the hole for life in general. I don't feel as much pressure to be social. I don't feel the pressure that I usually feel. I'm social because I choose to be social. The theater room is just a safe place for me even before it was the GSA room. The reason why I feel safe there is just a combination of the fact that I really love theater even though I'm crap at it, the teacher (you're the best, Mrs.B), and the other kids there. I don't hate anyone there. (I know you don't like the word hate but that's how I feel.) It might not seem like I'm being more social and comfortable but honestly I am. That's the reason why I say stupid stuff so much. I have chronic foot in mouth disease.
Also theater give me the opportunity to escape myself which I know sounds kind of horrible but it's the truth. I get to escape from all my issues like Anxiety and Gender Dysphoria for instance. When I'm playing a character my issues just vanish I inherit their issues and leave my issues behind. Which is the reason why I volunteer so much because I want to leave my issues behind. Although, I may use my issues as a reference. Like that time when I acted out panicking with that book, I just transfered what I do when I'm having a panic attack.