Heaven in Trenches

Mr. Brown: Welcome, ladies and gentlelice, to your favorite night show,  Let's Have A Chat! (distant clapping) Tonight we'll be talking to our esteammed guest, the Head Louse!

Head Louse: It's nice to be here, Mr. Brown.

Mr. Brown: So, I hear that your thinking of moving to France for awhile, am I right?

Head Louse: You've heard correctly, it seems like an obvious choice.

Mr. Brown: Why do you say that?

Head Louse: Because the conditions seem just perfect for a relaxing time of eating and sleeping, Mr. Brown.

Mr. Brown: Oh really? How so?

Head Louse: Apparently, there are these huge holes that have been dug in the ground by these huge two-legged creatures, and they are warm and wet, just like my home country.

Mr. Brown: Ohhh, sounds like  a good time to me. Is the food good?

Head Louse: Yes, those two-legs taste quite good. We do have to feed 12 times a day, you know.

Mr. Brown: Yes, I'm well aware of that. My stomach growls constantly, aching for bloodly goodness.

Head Louse: Now, now, don't get ahead of yourself Mr. Brown, we still have many mouths to feed.

Mr. Brown: Yes, yes, you're right. Laying 5 eggs a day is tiresome, you know?

Head Louse: True enough, though it must be harder on my wife.
(distant laughing)

Mr. Brown: Back to the subject, it isn't too hot over in France, is it? You know we lice just can't stand that kind of heat.

Head Louse: Well now, as long as no one tries to burn us off themselves with a candle, I assure you we'll be just fine.

Mr. Brown: Hmm...yes. Are you worried that the eggs might not stay on if the two-legs take a bath?

Head Louse: Not at all. Our eggs are resilient, and tough. I believe that they will stay on no matter what happens to them.

Mr. Brown: Aren't we the confident one?

Head Louse: You should be too, that is how we all are still here, isn't it?

Mr. Brown: I must admit, you're right there, Head Louse. Also, do you think that the two-legs will get any...symptoms from our snacking?

Head Louse: That is always possible Mr. Brown. Things such as pyrrexhia could be transferred from us to them, although it will not affect us in any way. It won't kill the two-leg either, so they should be fine.

Mr. Brown: Alright, final question of the night before time runs out. What kind of envirorment will you create when you get there?

Head Louse: We create a sort of sour; stale smell and inhabit every bit of the land we come across. Doesn't that sound good to you?

Mr. Brown: Very good, Head Louse. Well, that's all we have for tonight folks! Good-night and see you tomorrow!

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