T.H.I.S. I.S. A. S.C.A.M
Address: 123 Totally Real Address Street
Hiya Folks!! My name is Larry Isaac Austin Richardson, I know that's a mouthful but luckily you can just spell out my initials for short so you can just call me L.I.A.R for short. Any way you want to learn how to invest in stocks? Well you came to the wron... er, right place! Let me give you a little run down on what we do here at T.H.I.S. I.S. A. S.C.A.M and how stocks and investments work, and then we'll give you a complementary stock with us. Doesn't that sound great? Then let's begin!
Get In The Know
So you should probably know that corporations raise money through stock and bond issues. When a company first issues a stock, it is sold to investment bankers. However, most stock is then resold to investors through a stock exchange which is the market where securities(Not to be confused with mercenary securities, which is apparently illegal)are sold. These securities are stocks and bonds and profit made from these can also be called Capital Gains.
Why Buy Stock?
Investors buy stock for two reasons. The first is to earn dividend payments, which are a share of the corporations profits that are (forcibly) paid back to the corporation's stockholders. The second is to earn capital gains by selling the stock at a greater price than a purchase price.
Why Buy OUR Stock?
If you want to earn more income from your investment you would be more interested in dividends. But if you are more interested in seeing your stock grow over time, you would be more interested in the potential from capital gains. Luckily here at T.H.I.S. I.S. A. S.C.A.M we do both!! Believe me, I am CEO LIAR after all. Think of all that moolah!!
A bond is a contract issued by a corporation promising to repay borrowed money, plus interest, on a fixed schedule. The amount that the bond issuer promises to pay at its maturity is par value and maturity is the date the bond is due to be repaid. There is also a yield which is the annual rate of return.
Why Buy Bonds?
The are two reasons to invest in bonds: the interest paid on bonds and the gains made by selling bonds. Most people buy bonds for the interest. Generally, bonds are considered less risky than stocks because bond holders are paid before stockholders.
Why Buy OUR Bonds?
Because here at T.H.I.S. I.S. A. S.C.A.M we have different types of bonds. We have Junk Bonds, which may be considered high risk but also has high-yield (We totally don't mean junk bonds as in they're a complete scam, that would be absurd.). Due to our strong ties with the government (T.H.I.S. I.S. A. S.C.A.M and the government are the best-est friends!!) we can also allow you to have treasury bonds which are bonds based on the financial strength of the government. We can also have state and local governments issue municipal bonds which are funds raised for things such as construction like bridges, roads, schools, or tearing down a park for a supermarket...er... Ignore that last one.
Certificates of Deposit
CDs are a form of time deposit offered primarily by banks, savings, loans, and credit unions. Like bonds, CDs have a maturity rate when the investor receives principle back with interest
Money Market Mutual Funds
Allow investors to own a variety of short-term financial assets such as municipal bonds, corporate bonds, and CDs. They give higher yield than bank savings accounts
High Risk Package
Now with the High Risk Package you can receive the following:
- Junk Bonds
- Money Market Mutual Funds
- Corporate Bonds
- Treasury Bills
Low Risk Package
- Municipal Bonds
- Government savings Bonds
- Treasury Bonds
- Treasury Notes
- Certificates of Deposit
(Totally Not A Scam) (Totally Didn't Use Technology to Hack Your Wallet... Totally) (Endorsed by Nixon who is not a Crook)