Your most Christian majesty, King Francis I, this year, the honorable 1545, shall soon become a glorious year of prosper and wonder. France, under your magnificent rule, has become a majestic and noble kingdom. I am confident, in my heart, that the almighty God is on our side and soon we will be able to defeat our enemies in the bitter war our country is locked in with the so-called Holy Roman Empire.

But how do we win without the small stones called gold and silver? Aye, they are dug out of the cold, wet ground by common folk but how mankind lusts for these precious metals! They are irreplaceable, these glittering rocks of richness. France has become a prosperous kingdom, your most Christian majesty, under your wise and great rule, but there should be no limit to our country’s wealth! O’, how other countries shall respect us!

And I, I have found a way, for gold and silver to come rest in our hands. Have not the incompetent, lazy Spaniards not spoken and written in their crude language about the hordes of precious treasures that lie in the West, on the ivory coasts of the New World? I say, that send me, send a crew, a crew and a fast ship to the New World, where wonders lie in wait! God shall bless us, I know, because we shall spread His word, to the Natives there that wait for us to enlighten them. France shall receive heaping amounts of gold, silver shall be in our hands, magnificent furs adorning our bodies! Wood is many there, I hear, and so is iron a plenty. No longer shall the French shiver in their homes, surrounding a single candle, as the wind howls and beats at the door! Indeed, France shall thrive under your most Holy rule, your most Christian majesty. A settlement shall be cultivated, Natives brought there and converted, and your name shall spread throughout the world. People will shiver when they speak your name, and they shall know you as the Holy one, the Royal one, and forever and ever may they sing your name.

Your most Christian majesty, this shall be no folly attempt, I assure you. A ship, a crew, some time, some necessary supplies, a little money, and the New World will be in the palm of your hand. No longer shall we have no soldiers for our war, instead Natives will serve us. Your most Christian Majesty, give me the honor of seeking new land in your Holy Name!

You may ask me, how will I face the dangers that shall be lurking around every corner? Well, I shall tell you, my crew and I shall blast away the dangers with guns and cannons. No sea monsters shall threaten us, I assure you, for a single well-placed cannon ball will blast away their guts! Natives, once they have heard God’s word, shall tremble beneath our feet. Their arrows shall do no damage on our suits of armor.  With a strong ship, we shall sail through all dangers the sea may offer. Anyone who dares defy your majestic word shall have their tongue ripped out and killed! For I, I will scout out the New World and bring honor to France!

Well? Your most Christian Majesty, do I have your permission?

Comment Stream