Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he does earth-downs.
Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, but death was too afraid to tell him.
Chuck Norris can draw a circle with a ruler.
Chuck Norris doesn't go swimming, water just wants to be around him.
There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris has been to mars. That's why there's no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris won american idol using sign language.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity- twice.
Chuck Norris eats the core of the apple first.
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of 18... seconds.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
Some magicians can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris's hand can beat a royal flush.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the crap out of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.
When Chuck Norris steps on a lego, the lego cries.
If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris's tears can cure Cancer. He has never cried.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
When Chuck Norris touches water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris built the hospital that he was born in.
Death once had a near-Chuck experience.
Chuck Norris once lit his fart on fire. That fart is now known as the sun.
When Chuck Norris was born, the one who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest. Against a fish.
Chuck Norris was born May 6th, 1949. The Nazis surrendered May 7th, 1949.
The quickest way to a man's heart is Chuck Norris's fist.
There is no ctrl button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris's gmail account is: firstname.lastname@example.org.
When Google has a question, they "Norris" it.
Chuck Norris owns 2 birthday suits.
Chuck Norris catches bullets with his beard.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, it's just afraid to move.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars look both ways before driving by.
When Chuck Norris touches fire, he doesn't get burned. The fire gets Chuck Norrised.