As of now, France has the most trenches out of all the European countries. These trenches are both warm and constantly wet which make perfect living grounds for us. This means that France has the most and best places for us to live, so there is no reason not to come.
As most of you are probably aware of, our females can lay up to five eggs a day. We care very much about our eggs and want to ensure that they are able to hatch and grow into mature adults. Here in France, the soldiers find great difficulty doing any harm to our eggs. Their delousing machines only wash away an infinitesimal amount of eggs and the majority remain completely unaffected on their clothing. Along with that, the warmth of the soldier's bodies provide enough heat so that eggs are able to hatch in just two to three hours. So if you want to ensure the best future for your kids, come to France and you will dance.
Why would the French have so many trenches if they did not have the soldiers to occupy them? As a body lice, we need to feed on blood up to twelve times a day. These trenches are constantly filled with soldiers for us to feast off of. This means that here in France, there is always going to be an endless supply of blood to satisfy our needs for twelve meals a day.
The soldiers in France are very bad people as they are constantly trying to do harm to our friends. They kill millions of us and our eggs by burning them to death with lighted candles. Though it does not kill them, they torture even more by using delousing machines that soak them in huge vats of hot water. This is why we need you to come to France. Our bodies carry many diseases such as pyrrekhia. We need more lice in order to infect more soldiers with the disease so they stop hurting our friends. But if that does not kill them, at least we can torture them back by making them itch.
The trench rats here in France also need your help. The trenches are always swarming with them and a single pair of rats can produce up to 900 offspring a year. Along with that, the millions of rats all seem to be well-fed because they can make a hardy meal off of the thousands of dead soldiers lying around. Just like us, these rats are notorious for spreading disease and infection. This is why we need you to come to France so that more of us are able to work together with them. With more help, we can take down those evil humans that try to kill us and finally teach them a lesson they will never forget.