Top 10 Things That Have Shaped My Life(:
1. Global Youth leadership Summit
GYLS has shaped my life because it has made me into the person I am today. Without have going to GYLS my summer going into freshman year, I honestly don't know where I'd be today, if here at all. GYLS has given me strength and courage to fight through my beliefs of not being enough. I am nothing but grateful for having GYLS in my life
Alena is my literal all time best friend in this world from GYLS. She and I met at GYLS my ambassador (first) year there in 2013. We were put in the same dorm together that year. Alena and I weren't that close ambassador year, but around June this summer, we started to connect more because we found out we were going to be together at another Anthony Robbins event called UPW. We became EXTREMELY close there and have been like sisters ever since. Alena has helped shaped my life because not only has she made me always remember to look at the positive things in life, but to never give up. No matter what. I <3 her to death.
Grant I also met at GYLS. I didn't know him very well my ambassador year. In fact, I never actually met him that year; but over this past summer in June, Grant was working the UPW Alena and I were attending and Alena was good friends with Grant. So we all bonded and became super super close. Grant has helped shape my life because whenever I'm feeling down, or need someone to talk to, I always seem to go to him first. I trust this kid with my life. He's like the older brother I never had. I can go to or talk about anything with Grant. He's always uplifting and always seems to put a smile on my face. This past summer in July at GYLS, we were super close. Grant, Alena, and myself were the trio. We were always together. Watching Grant grow as a person from the beginning of that week to the last day was an amazing thing to see. He was the most open person about everything in his life that had held him back from caring about the important things/people in his life. I know that Grant will always be in my life, and I am so thankful for that.
Joshua James Glanville. This individual has completely changed my life. Not necessarily in the best way, but I'm almost kinda, sorta, not really, but still glad it happened. After my first year at GYLS, Josh and I became very very close. We were basically in a "long-distance" relationship. Josh lives in Ealing, London in the UK. It was really hard but at the time I thought I was in love. Now, I'm not so sure. We had been "together" on and off for about 11 months, until in the first week of June while I was just getting into New York with my English teacher and classmates, I receive a text message from Josh saying how the whole time he was "with" me, he was in love with another girl from GYLS who lives in Utah. I was heartbroken. I remember getting to my hotel, after walking what seemed like a million miles from the train station, and crying in the bathroom of my hotel room for about an hour while the rest of my friends were unpacking their things. I was an emotional wreck and it was too crazy and bizarre to explain to them. I called my cousin Jordyn and my mom and remember crying uncontrollably. I was so torn. I thought he loved me. Why would he do this to me? We didn't talk for about a month until GYLS started up in July. I remember seeing him and his sister walk up to registration and my heart stop, then speed up and start pounding at 100 MPH. I didn't know what to do, so I ran into the bathroom. I was having anxiety and panic attacks and I didn't know what to do. (Of course Alena was with me the whole time trying to calm me down.) Josh and I hadn't spoken a word to each other the first three days of the summit. Just a lot of awkward eye contact. When we finally did speak, it was a breath of fresh air. We had a long conversation and I definitely got closure, and my best friend back. Now we are closer than ever. The reason he has shaped my life though is almost in a negative way. I'm terrified of becoming close to someone in a romantic way now. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm scared of getting hurt again. I have a brick wall infront of my heart, and I don't know when it's coming down. Although we are very close friends now, I'm still scarred and hurt by what he did.
Music has shaped my life because without music I don't know what I would do with myself. I can't think of time where I'm not listening to music. If I'm in a situation where I can't listen to music, I'll sing in my head. I can't describe a world without music. It's what helps us trigger emotion and feeling. The type of music you listen to shows a huge part of who you are. It sure does for me.
6. Sleeping with sirens
Sleeping With Sirens is one of my favorite bands. They have shaped my life tremendously. It may sound dumb to say, but SWS, and other bands, have honestly helped me from losing myself in my own thoughts. I honestly don't know if I'd still be here if weren't for them sometimes. The song I provided above is a cover that they did of "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. This song has influenced me significantly. When at a Sleeping with Sirens and Pierce the Veil concert, Kellin Quinn of Sleeping With Sirens sang this song and I started bawling. I say that with no over-exaggeration, my eyes were pouring tears and I couldn't help but feel every word he sang in that song. He delivered such emotion and depth. I was a mess, but right then and there, I realized that this person alone has changed my life without even knowing I exist. That kind of thing amazes me. How can someone who has never met you, that I idolize so much, possibly change your life forever? I don't know how to explain it. It's crazy. Watching some random interviews of Kellin and the rest of the band, they have caused me to laugh so hard I couldn't breath. Sometimes when I'm at the point where I'm so low, I don't know how to feel happiness anymore, I'll go on youtube and watch a video of them and they honestly are one of the only things that can make me smile. Weird, but yeah.
7. Pierce The Veil
This band has also helped shape my life. Their lyrics help inspire me to keep going. When time gets tough they remind me "Darlin' you'll be okay". [Hold on Till May ft. Lindsey Stamey] Their music is kind of like Sleeping with Sirens. They give me emotion and make me feel like nothing else matters, because it doesn't. It's kind of weird, but they really have shaped me as person into who I am today. As I said about Sleeping With Sirens, watching goofy videos of Pierce the Veil being crazy, funny guys has been the cause of my smiles. I feel like a lot of people say this and a lot of the time it sounds like a retarded thing to say, but these bands have been my life savers. Which is nuts, but I don't think I'd be here sometimes if it weren't for them.
8. Bring me the horizon
Bring Me The Horizon has helped shaped my life because their music is my all time escape. It doesn't really matter what mood i'm in. I could listen to them all day long. This particular band is a more "scenic", or "metal" band. A lot of people might say, "People who listen to that kind of music become depressed", but what's wrong with that statement is that a lot of people who listen to this type of music are already depressed. They use this loud, "angry", and deep music to get rid of all the feelings they have bottled up inside. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't understand or like this type of genre, but their music has more meaning than any pop, rap, or country song I've ever heard. If you look up the lyrics to a BMTH or Black Veil Brides song, you'll say "wow, this is depressing", but really it's just realistic. People live their lives thinking that nothing can ever happen to them, that they're bulletproof, when in reality we're all just here for a short period of time and then we move on to another life, who knows where. So why live life as if tomorrow is promised? This band has shaped my life because they opened my eyes to what life is really about, and even though the lyrics may be "dark" and "depressing", it's the most accurate thing I've listened to. Ever. This band is one of the many bands I use to escape with. I guess I feel like I'm living a more realistic, yet temporary, lifestyle when I block out the rest of the world and put on my headphones and blast some Bring Me The Horizon.
A few months ago I started attending therapy due to my anxiety and panic attacks. I've never had any reason for having these panic attacks, but they kind of just showed up out of the blue. I honestly think a lot of it has to do with me feeling like I can never be enough. I know that it's just a "limiting belief" but it's something I feel a lot when it comes to my parents. I love my parents to death, they're my number one support system; but sometimes that "support" is just them saying "oh, cool. You did that right, but you still haven't done this yet". It's hard because I want to make my parents proud, but all their pressure for me to succeed makes me get wound up all tight and then I get stressed and grumpy, which makes them think I'm being disrespectful towards them. It makes me spiral out of control and I don't know what to do sometimes. I'll start to breathe really heavy and eventually blackout and next thing I know I'm crawled up in a ball on my bedroom floor. So therapy, right now in this part of my life, I'm hoping will help shape my life for the better. My panic attacks have been much better lately, but sometimes they come and go. It's kind of another level of anxiety when you label yourself as a "therapy patient", which is why I've only told a few people who are vey close to me. So yeah. Therapy is a huge part of my life right now.
As many people know, singing is a huge part of who I am. If I didn't have this "talent" I can't think of anything I would really be good at. Being able to sing is another way I keep myself sane. I'll be walking around anywhere with friends and I'll just be singing a song without even really realizing it. It's weird but like, it's literally apart of who I am as an individual. Without singing, I can't even begin to think of who I would be or what I would do with myself. Singing is my life, and it always will be.