never leave happy hour early to walk the dog.
this four-legged friend craps all on its own,
giving you all night to chase other kinds of tail.

if you think high-maintenance bitches are the worst,
skip the dog and GET TAIL.

join the ranks of 98 million Americans who know why cats rule.

  • Cats sleep for up to 20 hours a day, making even the laziest schmuck look ambitious.
  • It is perfectly legal to feed your cat catnip and watch it get all sorts of weird.
  • Cats play when you want with whatever you've got. Have a flash light or piece of string? Game on.
  • The loudest noise cats make is easily drowned out by SportsCenter. No neighbor complaints.
  • Cats are born potty-trained. Show them a litter box, and they'll go there every time. 'Nuff said.
  • Cats are grazers. Leaving town for a few days? Just leave plenty of food and water and carry on.
  • A recent study showed that women put up with 15% more dickish behavior in men who owned cats vs non pet-owners because of a preconceived notion that cat owners were more sensitive.*
  • Cats are softer than dogs.**

so who let the dogs out?
not you, my friend.
because you got TAIL.

* This study is completely made up.

** Confirmed by Lenny from Of Mice and Men.

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