never leave happy hour early to walk the dog.
this four-legged friend craps all on its own,
giving you all night to chase other kinds of tail.
if you think high-maintenance bitches are the worst,
skip the dog and GET TAIL.
join the ranks of 98 million Americans who know why cats rule.
- Cats sleep for up to 20 hours a day, making even the laziest schmuck look ambitious.
- It is perfectly legal to feed your cat catnip and watch it get all sorts of weird.
- Cats play when you want with whatever you've got. Have a flash light or piece of string? Game on.
- The loudest noise cats make is easily drowned out by SportsCenter. No neighbor complaints.
- Cats are born potty-trained. Show them a litter box, and they'll go there every time. 'Nuff said.
- Cats are grazers. Leaving town for a few days? Just leave plenty of food and water and carry on.
- A recent study showed that women put up with 15% more dickish behavior in men who owned cats vs non pet-owners because of a preconceived notion that cat owners were more sensitive.*
- Cats are softer than dogs.**
so who let the dogs out?
not you, my friend.
because you got TAIL.
* This study is completely made up.
** Confirmed by Lenny from Of Mice and Men.