When You Promised Forever
I used to love the beach but everytime I look at the ocean I am washed away by the waves and taken back to a time when our love might have compared to the depth of the ocean. This ocean of pain is even deeper. It's been well over a year but your name still waits on the tip of my tongue for a time that I might get to say it again. I push it down a little further everyday. I have to sit on my twitching fingers to still them from reaching for your body and all I want to do is touch you again. Like my touch is the cureall, like my touch will bring you back, like me touching you can melt the ice around your heart. I sing in the shower now. I still can't listen to that song. I run the water unbearably hot and make sure to scrub every inch of the blank canvas that is my empty body but I can still fucking feel you on my skin. I am trying to live my life in spite of you leaving but everywhere I go I am reminded of you. I hear your voice in crowded malls, I smell you on the sweatshirt I still sleep with as if I held it any closer it would melt into my body and maybe I could finally feel warm, I see your name in my poems and I see your face every time I close my eyes. A long time ago I remember you promising forever and now I'm just wondering what the fuck forever meant to you because for me it did not mean spending three years pouring my heart into your over greedy hands that never stopped begging me for more. It did not mean sometimes, one time, or meantime. It meant all the time. It didn't mean maybe and it did not fucking mean goodbye.