though I still love you...
Some say never to utter these words, for i t would mean weakness to your side. Others would tell you to keep on holding on for you not to regret the results of your decisions. These past weeks kept my mind on wondering, should I? Or should I not? These thoughts kept banging beneath my head every time I open my eyes in the morning, and every time I try to close them at night. Pain came along as I try to find the answers to these questions.
Tears came rushing from my eyes as I remember those we used to cherished in the past. Those memories kept me from holding on before. I didn't want to loose her, she was my everything. she gave color to my life, smile in my face and courage in times when I felt alone. She was the one, I knew it, yet things came along and ruined everything, us.
Days, weeks, months passed, there was not a day that I did not think about her. Her face, her scent, her smiles, everything about her. Those memories kept me lonely, but most importantly, those memories opened up my eyes and made me realize that I have had enough. Our once happiness became those words that she uttered to rid of me, those actions she made to give me pain, and those looks in her eyes as she sees me in great pain made me say enough. The agony was unbearable as I go home, tears fell as if no one was looking at me.
Now, after a month or two of endless thinking she comes barging back to me, now that the pain is all gone. At first I thought I'd be excited, happy, I even thought that maybe there is still a chance for the both of us, yet as she spelled out the words "I love you" "I miss you" anger began to fill up my mind. How dare she say those words? When she didn't even tried to reach me out when I'm in despair. Love me? Or just need me? because she has no one else to go to. At that very moment, I felt used. It made me think about all those years that we had, was it true? or did she just needed me those times.
Bitter I may say, but those thoughts are now rumbling like a raging storm in my mind. This time, I've already made my decisions, enough is enough. Now, though it still hurts, I'd try to venture this life without her.
Giving up does not always mean weakness, sometimes it's just pure realizations. We've got to admit, that at not all times, holding on is the best choice, especially when we are already becoming a victim of our own choices. remember, love someone with all your heart, but never forget about your self. Never take risk for those who would only cause you pain.