Our Ideas Of Love

I thought I knew what love was. I thought you loved me because you held my free hand while I walked and kissed my open mouth as profanities spilled out at you. I thought you loved me because you called me beautiful when I masked my imperfections with powder and coal. I thought you loved me because you touched my body in the most intimate way and I felt you running through my veins for days. I thought you loved me because I loved you. I never realized that your kisses were muffling my dreams and quieting my thoughts. I never felt you pushing my wild soul so far down into my chest that it forgot how to breathe. I never thought loving you meant losing me. Flash forward and I finally know what love is because I taught myself. Love is a hot cup of tea on a cold day. Love is finishing a book in hours and crying because it's over. Love is sleeping in on a Monday and waking up and 5 am on Saturday to see the sunrise. Love is a soft tender kiss that the bubbles in my bath leave on my skin. Love is writing poetry because it makes you feel good. Love is holding hands with my pen and the pleasure I feel as it strikes my paper. Love is always respect and never degrade, downgrade, or settle. Love is dancing in the moonlight in my  childhood bedroom because I can't sleep with all this love on my mind. I know what love is because I learned how to love myself.