19 Things That Are Actually Terrifying For Worriers

*hears strange noises at night* Ah, yes, my time to die has come.

1. Hearing a strange noise at night.

Nope, not the wind. THAT IS THE SOUND OF A MURDEROUS BURGLAR. THAT’S FINE. YOU’VE LIVED A LONG, FULFILLING LIFE, SORT OF.

2. Watching a scary movie when you’re home alone (or…ever tbh).

Yep, there are vengeful spirits all up in your space. WHY DIDN’T YOU TRIPLE CHECK TO MAKE SURE THIS BUILDING WASN’T BUILT ON AN ANCIENT BURIAL GROUND?

3. Getting shampoo in your eyes while washing your hair.

BLIND. Definitely blind. You will never get the chance to see the faces of your unborn children. HELLO DARKNESS.

4. When someone doesn’t text you back immediately.

They hate you. JUST KIDDING, THEY’RE PROBABLY DEAD.

5. Leaving a store without buying anything.

They will definitely think you stole something and WHAM, CRIMINAL RECORD. LOL, BYE FUTURE.

6. Driving ANYWHERE.

You know that cars are actually STEEL DEATH TRAPS that will probably crash on your two-mile drive to the grocery store. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO CHILL ABOUT CARS?

7. Any time anyone is late.

They are clearly in SERIOUS DANGER. There is no other explanation. PUNCTUALITY SAVES LIVES, PEOPLE.

8. Attempting to date someone other than your Netflix account.

Every painfully awkward date is just a reminder of your impending future eternally and utterly ALONE. SO WHY BOTHER.

9. Passing a cop on the street.

If you look remotely un-chill, you are for sure going to get locked away for life because you probably, like, MURDERED SOMEONE OR SOMETHING and forgot about it.

10. Waking up without the help of your alarm.

OMG you must have overslept by like A WEEK OR A YEAR OR A DECADE. WHERE ARE YOU EVEN?

11. Your friends hanging out without you.

You know that they were planning how to rid themselves of the burden of your friendship and that you’ll soon be all alone in this cruel world. YOU CAN’T SURVIVE AS A HERMIT.

12. Having sex even if you take all the necessary precautions.

WHAT COACH CARR SAID. DON’T RISK IT.

13. Accidentally making eye contact with your professor when taking a test.

Now they think you’re cheating and you WILL be kicked out of school. WHAT WILL YOUR PARENTS THINK?

14. Speaking up at work.

One wrong word to your boss and you will definitely be DONE at this company and probably as a professional, period. BETTER START LOOKING UP HOW TO SELL YOUR KIDNEYS ON THE BLACK MARKET.

15. Going outside without slathering yourself in sunscreen.

Getting any sunburn = certain chance of a skin cancer diagnosis TOMORROW. THAT FRECKLE IS DEFINITELY BIGGER THAN IT WAS YESTERDAY. (But seriously people, WEAR SUNSCREEN, THIS IS NOT A JOKE. Oh, and do please investigate changing freckles. OK THANKS.)

16. Getting in an elevator.

You will probably get TRAPPED FOREVER. AND IT WILL ONLY BE A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU RUN OUT OF OXYGEN COMPLETELY.

17. Any slight change in heart rate.

HEART ATTACK. Nope, definitely not the iced coffee you just inhaled. Just accept it and WAIT FOR DEATH’S WARM EMBRACE.

18. Leaving your house, ever.

There is way too big a chance that it will get ransacked / burn to the ground / flooded, because you will definitely leave the door unlocked / the stove on / the water running.

19. Googling of any kind.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Basically, if something can go TERRIBLY, HORRIBLY, CATASTROPHICALLY wrong, you’ve thought of it already, because you just can’t help it.

But hey, at least that means you’ll always be prepared.