Love that lasts is the result of partners embedding themselves in each other’s brains in a positive way. Memory circuits and pleasure get all wound up together so that the other person becomes integral to the very structure of your brain, and you become part of the structure of his. At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels.
For some reason, I always thought my romantic relationships were less if I did not experience this kind of fairy-tale relationship. Maybe this is why I kept meeting frogs.
At times, I bought into the belief that if I had a relationship with the perfect prince, then all would be well in my life. I thought, ‘Now, I will be safe forever’.
There’s no clear formula when it comes to love but there are some basic guidelines to follow that will assist the cultivation of stronger love over time and will create true intimacy and pure love, in your relationship:
- See your partner for who he or she really is. The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.
In a loving, healthy and mutually beneficial relationship both parties have the freedom to be themselves, to express themselves and feel accepted by the other for who they are. You should never judge each other or live in fear of being judged by the other. Even if you disagree, which his quite normal and healthy, respect is important. Being supportive of each other even more so.
Most people have hidden expectations of what a relationship should look like and rarely talk about it, and then they end up disappointed. Talk about the vision of the relationship you carry in your head. The visions both of you have may be very different, and if they are, you should work on creating a vision that is mutual, realistic and open to change.
Life is busy, make time for each other. Take time out for your priorities, for your loved one. It is essential that the two of you go on a date at least once a week. Whether it’s doing something new or just watching a movie together, make sure that it’s just the two of you. Many couples think they already see a lot of each other so what is the point of spending more time together? The key here is spending quality time together. Take these moments to really communicate to each other about what is going on in your lives. People change over time, respect the change, continue showing you are interested in their personal growth, while making your partner feel special. It works both ways and the effort taken every few days to remind yourself why you are in the relationship certainly makes you both more committed.