Zoinks! by Dee Culp

A WebFiction Published Thrice Weekly

The enthralling, true tale of a trans girl just trying to get by and make the most of her life.

Also, she hunts ghosts and occasionally solves mysteries.

Chapter 1 - Act 1 - There Will Be Violence

4:20 pm. The phone has been ringing off the hook all day. Clients are PISSED because the orders that were supposed to be shipped weeks ago are still sitting in the docking area. Those customers should consider themselves lucky, though, because a lot of the orders haven't even been produced yet. Our supplier is running out of parts as the holiday season ramps up. I'm about to start screaming. I think my head might actually explode.

"Lucy! Babe! My life saver!" shouts a gruff voice, suddenly becoming demure and apologetic. "Whoa, hey. Don't report me to be HR. I didn't mean to say babe... I respect you as a woman. You contribute so much to our company. I apologize if you thought I was demeaning you."

The bro-turned-whimpering-pile is my boss, Ross. Boss Ross. Yes, that's what we call him. To his face. He insists on it.

Ross's behavior is inexcusable and will likely never improve, but at least he recognizes that. He's been reported to the human relations department for sexual harassment so many times that they don't even send him for sensitivity training anymore; it's actually cheaper for the company to settle. I haven't figured out why they haven't fired Ross, yet, except that no one else would run this three-ring circus. I just nod at him. We've had this conversation a few times, and honestly, I'm just glad that he uses the proper gender pronouns when talking to me.

"Lucy, please don't kill me. We've got a bunch more orders coming in, and I've already been putting out fires all over the place. Is there any way you can stay late?"

If I knew I could get away with it, I would actually kill Ross. I would stab him in the neck and watch him bleed out. Unfortunately, I really need the money. I juggle it for a moment, I look at the clock, I wonder if the building is tall enough for me to be killed on impact when I throw myself from the roof.

"Great!" I knew you would! Thanks!" he says, and turns on his heel.

"But, but I... I never said... wait! WAIT! NOOO!"

It's too late. I hesitated to answer, and Ross saw that as a yes. He heads back to his office and I'm stuck here until God knows when. Welcome to hell.


  • Did you catch the pot joke?
  • Sexual harassment isn't funny. I seriously considered (and attempted) to rewrite this scene, but decided to run with it because I've seen edgier jokes in several of my other favorite web comics and stories that included sexual harassment. So... I figured, what heck?