Zoinks! by Dale Culp

A WebFiction Published Thrice Weekly

The enthralling, true tale of a trans girl just trying to get by and make the most of her life.

Also, she hunts ghosts and occasionally solves mysteries.

New to Zoinks!? Start at the beginning.

Chapter 2 - Act 2 - "This Message Brought to You by Diabetes"

It's lunch time... or as I like to call it, time for my daily half-hour mediation on hunger pangs. I've got my nose buried in my phone, looking at pictures of sickeningly sweet junk food on Pinterest. For some reason, looking at this kind of food makes me less hungry.

I scroll past the typical stuff you'd find at the Bloomsburg Fair, such as the deep-fried Oreos, pickles and other oddities, and I take a moment to ponder something new I've discovered called the "ramnut" when I get the feeling I'm being watched.

"Howard. Why are you staring at me? How long have you been staring at me?" I ask without looking up from my phone.

He shrugs his shoulders, and says, "I dunno."

"What do you want, Howard?" I ask.

"I've noticed you and Valeria don't seem to be getting along. Has something happened?"

I look in Valeria's direction, seeing that she's sitting clear on the other side of the lunch room, far out of earshot. Despite facing away from me, she somehow senses my gaze, turns her head completely around and hisses at me before turning back to the table and continuing to eat, as though nothing had happened at all. I blink and try to pretend I wasn't looking as a shiver runs down my spine.

"Yeah, I guess we're kind of spending some time away from each other for a while," I tell Howard.

"But why?"

"Oh, I guess we had a fight. I don't really want to go into it."

"Why don't you want to go into it?"

"Because I don't want to, ok?"


I go back to Pinterest, but Howard is still staring at me.

"What is it now, Howard?"

"Why are you fighting?"

I draw a deep breath, clear my mind and try to remember that murder is frowned upon in Pennsylvania.

"Valeria was kind enough to help me find a part-time job to supplement my income, but it didn't work out. So, we're just giving each other some space until things cool down," I tell him.

"But why?"



  • Ugh... the ramnut.
  • I didn't want to use the word "fuck," but it's a reference to one of my favorite scenes in Silicon Valley. I don't think I pulled it off very well.
  • God, just... ugh, the ramnut? Seriously?