Zoinks! by Dale Culp

A WebFiction Published Thrice Weekly

The enthralling, true tale of a trans girl just trying to get by and make the most of her life.

Also, she hunts ghosts and occasionally solves mysteries.

New to Zoinks!? Start at the beginning.

Chapter 2 - Act 3 - "Something to Chew On"

After using the last 15 minutes of my lunch break to explain the dynamics of how friendships work to Howard, I think I've finally gotten through to him. Almost. Maybe. God, I sure hope so...

Just to be sure I'm getting through, I ask Howard to recap.

"Ok. So, you needed some extra money?" he asks, and I nod. "And that's why you went looking for a job?"

I nod again.

"And Valeria offered you one, but it didn't work out because you didn't really like the work?"

"Correctamundo!" I respond. "Or, at least, that's close enough to the... err... truth... for me to be comfortable telling you any of this."

Howard thinks on it for a moment and then, finally, asks, "Why don't you just come work for us?"


"Philip and I. We need some help."

"Oh, Philip certainly needs some kind of help... it's just not the kind of help I can provide."

"We'll pay you!"

"Whoa, there, Sparky. I've decided I'm definitely not doing anymore sex work."




"Look, Howard. I'm sure you mean well, but I don't think..."

"We get a stipend of $500 per investigation which gets split between each member of the team. All you do is document everything we do on our investigations. It's super easy!"

I think it over for a moment. "How many people are on the team?"

Howard starts counting on his fingers, going on for a few moments before replying, "Uh... 3. But if we hire you, it's, uh... 4!"

"So... 125 bucks per person, huh?"

Howard smiles, blankly.

I admit, I'm intrigued. I'm also starving, and $125 sounds pretty good for a night's work. But then I remember the smell from this morning, and I'm suddenly unsure of this offer.

"Wait a sec... Are you talking about your ghost hunting junk? All that 'end of the world' stuff Philip was going on about, this morning?"

Howard nods.

"Yeah, I don't know, Howard. Seems pretty sketch, to me. You guys really get paid for that?"

"The university keeps us well-funded."

"A university, eh? It would be nice for a school to pay me for a change."

"Sure, thing! It's a swell opportunity. Plus, it counts toward class credit!"

"$125, plus class credit?"


"And I get to keep my clothes on?"


"Nevermind, that! I'll take it... I'll take the job. When do I begin?"

"Our next investigation is this weekend!"

"Wow, that's a lot sooner than I expected, but whatever. I'm in."

Howard grins from ear to ear. "I'll tell Philip, immediately! This is great! You're gonna love it!"

As Howard races out the door, I can barely make out the words, "Finally, I get to be on camera!"

Wha-ho... wait a second. Camera? The last job I took that involved a camera didn't work out so well. Am I sure this isn't another sex gig?


  • Correctamundo! http://youtu.be/TdK6sR5Sfdc
  • I had to do some math for this act. I don't like math. I had to figure out how much a ghost hunting team would actually get paid and then figure out the split. It's probably way off, but that's because they don't have Dr. Venkman working for them.