Zoinks! by Dale Culp

A WebFiction Published Thrice Weekly

The enthralling, true tale of a trans girl just trying to get by and make the most of her life.

Also, she hunts ghosts and occasionally solves mysteries.

New to Zoinks!? Start at the beginning.

Chapter 3 - Act 4 - "I've Got a Bad Feeling About This"

Howard and I are in a large room by ourselves on the first floor. Moments ago, I shrugged off Philip's warning about the reality of ghosts. He tried to insist as Howard and Harlan danced around the subject, but in the end, he just wasn't very convincing. He certainly gave it his best shot, but I'm not buying it. Ghosts are real? Give me a break. I mean, it wasn't a very good morale booster, but it got my attention. It's still all-so-totally bogus, though. So not true, or even slightly believable. It's, uh... I mean, I just, I don't really believe in that kind of stuff. I'm, uh... I'm pretty skeptical. Like, I'm maybe 80... 70... sixty... five percent sure... that uh...

"Son-of-a-bitch. Philip got to me."

"What's that?" Howard asks.

"Nothing. I'm just gonna start recording while we look around for... Hey, what the hell are we looking for?"

"Well, anomalies, mostly. You know? Anything that seems out of place."

"Anomalies, eh? Ok. Sounds good." I have no idea what to look for; everything in this house seems out of place.

Howard nods. "Harlan's usually the one who finds the places we investigate. He said this place has a 99% chance of definitely being haunted."

I think back to creepy Harlan's bizzaro story about the "couple two tree tings" that supposedly went on here, and my knees go a little weak.

"And he's usually right?" I ask.


Suddenly, I remember Harlan's stories about Kidder University and other famous places in Pennsylvania. "Wait, a sec... I'm not so convinced Harlan knows much about anything. What exactly did he say went on here?"

"You know... demonology stuff. Raising the dead. Conjuring."

"Oh, of course. As one does. I guess they were devil worshippers, too?"

Howard shrugs, "Yeah, that too. The question is, 'Which devil?'"

My heart skips a beat and my stomach drops. I had not anticipated this answer. "Well, I would assume...," I pause for a moment, to consider my answer, "you know, 'the' devil. Isn't one enough?"

"More than enough, but that's what makes our job so important. Me and Phil have seen a ton of stuff, over the years. Demons, devils, spectres, poltergeists... just a whole bunch of things!"

I feel shivers running up and down my spine as goosebumps pop up all over my body. "But don't they have, like... one big boss? You know, a Boss Ross Satan kind of guy?"

Howard stops to think for a moment. "I... guess that would make sense. I don't know. I usually just hold the camera."

"Oh, right," I say, as I realize that if I want any answers, as much as I'd hate myself for it, I'd have to talk to Philip.

"Hey, do you think you'll be ok by yourself for a moment? I need to run back to base and make sure the monitors are tracking properly. That's the other thing I usually do, just in case anything happens. It's pretty important."

"Uh... sure. I'm a big girl. I can handle it... alone... by myself... No problem!" I give Howard a thumbs up and a smile, but I've never been more frightened in my life. Everything feels... wrong... here. And the moment Howard leaves the room, it feels even more wrong.


  • Let's see here... being left alone in a big, empty room? Scary ghost stories? Feelings of impending doom? I'm sure everything is going to be just fine...