Zoinks! by Dale Culp

A WebFiction Published Thrice Weekly

The enthralling, true tale of a trans girl just trying to get by and make the most of her life.

Also, she hunts ghosts and occasionally solves mysteries.

New to Zoinks!? Start at the beginning.

Chapter 3 - Act 6 - "What Camera?"

A shock wave emanates outward from the box, washing through my body and extending beyond the room. All of my hair is left standing on end and my teeth feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil. Everything else stops, and we're left standing in the dark, surrounded by silence.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Philip shouts, as he comes running down the stairs.

"It... it was the EMP," Howard says, shaking. "The ghost... it was coming! We didn't know what to do!"

"What? You fired the EMP? And the specter dissipated?"

Howard and I just look at each other, terrified out of our minds, shrugging our shoulders. "Uh, yeah, I guess so..." I reply.

I'm so frightened out of my wits that I have no idea what the hell is going on, anymore — not that I ever did. I'm suddenly coming to terms with the fact that I am in WAY over my head.

"Do you know what this means?" Philip asks.

"Yeah... it means I need a fresh change of underwear. Also, I think might need to visit a hospital," I say, rubbing my right hip.

"NO!" Philip shouts, and then begins dancing around. "It means... I actually invented something that works!"

"So, that's it?" I ask. "Is the ghost gone? Can we all go home? Maybe? PLEASE?"

Philip stops dancing, the smile disappears from his face, and he looks at me cold. "Not yet, I'm afraid. If the readings I've been taking upstairs are any indication, the higher we climb, the more energy present." He looks up at the ceiling, "There's something up there, and it's going to take something heavier than an EMP to get rid of this spectral shitbag."

He pauses a moment, the looks at Howard, "But don't worry; we're packing,"

"Heavy-duty." Howard responds.

"We're awesome monster bashers," Philip says.

"The meanest!" "The baddest!" they each say in turn, before fist bumping and doing some kind of bro-ed up, hand-jive, ultra-complicated secret handshake... thing.

"Ugh. More like the grossest. What are you guys, now, the Frog Brothers?" I ask.

"The who?" Philip asks.

"The Frog Brothers. You know, from 'The Lost Boys'?"

They stare at me, blankly.

"Corey Haim? Corey Feldman? Nothing?!" I can tell I've completely lost them. "Nevermind," I say, rolling my eyes so hard I can see the back of my head. "It's not important."

I try to change the subject, "Hey, where's Harlan? Did you just leave him alone, upstairs?"

"Actually, Lucy," Philip says, looking back at me. "A better question is... 'WHERE THE HELL IS MY CAMERA?'"


  • Keep in mind, I did ZERO research on how EMPs actually work. The actual effect on a person would probably be zero. However, just for fun, let's pretend that Philip and Howard's EMP generator is accompanied by a a static electricity discharge. I mean, it's really, super important that we get the physics right when we're talking about ghosts, but, sometimes, I just don't give a shit.